tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176087542024-03-12T19:20:07.585-05:00The Wild Tribe...our constant Evolution...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.comBlogger330125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-67128870693364036472013-01-13T15:41:00.000-06:002013-01-13T15:41:04.294-06:00wherever you go there you are<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2YicpkSgsKYSknXWG_DpXdc097CoXKD-4vFbH9woK80rbKNdjKqHY2ukU34l5K89UjkYQ6TJVspSRiAOU69fZpt-N5aL-HfcqhRR8LSusiZiQb-Js3KYYmbm2kBs7kezl8YQV/s1600/DSCN3241.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2YicpkSgsKYSknXWG_DpXdc097CoXKD-4vFbH9woK80rbKNdjKqHY2ukU34l5K89UjkYQ6TJVspSRiAOU69fZpt-N5aL-HfcqhRR8LSusiZiQb-Js3KYYmbm2kBs7kezl8YQV/s320/DSCN3241.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Karen-fucius say: "Life is like a crab...pretty and interesting but can pinch if you're not paying attention."<br /><br /><br /><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Nearing our two-month mark here in Costa Rica and noticing a couple of things:<br />
<br />
1. Life is life. No matter where we spend our time.<br />
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<br />
<ul>
<li>Gotta get the groceries.</li>
<li>Kids pick and poke at each other.</li>
<li>The toilet needs scrubbed.</li>
<li>Your spouse is still the imperfect human you married.</li>
</ul>
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<br />
2. Given the fact that we are in an entirely new and unfamiliar country, the four indented points above have now become even more complicated, adding layers to already (perceived) unpleasant situations. <br />
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I'm so grateful that we are here, don't get me wrong. I recognize what a luxury this is and that it's something that most people only dream of doing. <br />
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It would be easy to carry on like all is peachy and it's just a dreamy, dreamy life all day every day. I could simply post beautiful pictures of smiling faces and amazing scenery and paint the picture of perfection. <br />
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But that would only be 1/2 of the story.<br />
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Some days suck. Some days we're all big assholes to each other and carry on like a bunch of snot-nosed-mean-spirited-brats. Damn that thing called being human! <br />
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I find that if I can let go of my expectations, I have better days. We certainly all came here with plenty of expectations. I think (I hope) that will end up being the greatest thing we take from this experience; letting go of our own expectations. Life is better without them, this I know for sure. <br />
<br />
Expectations = Resentments. <br />
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No doubt about it.<br />
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Thank you, Life, for bringing this experience to me so that I may learn ... <i>(and re-learn and re-learn!)</i><br />
... that I can let go. <br />
<br />
That it's safe to Let Go. <br />
<br />
That life is so much better and more beautiful and easier when I remember to LET GO. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-41691568939125079902012-12-15T20:37:00.000-06:002012-12-15T21:07:08.602-06:00Adaptation & ChildrenThis has been quite a change, obviously, for everybody. <br />
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New country, new culture, new home, new foods, new climate, new friends... Lots and lots of changes happening. It got me thinking about the benefits of pushing myself out to the edges of my comfort zone. Why that might be a really good thing. </div>
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What happens to ones spirit when we stay safely tucked away in our cozy little spot? What might we be missing out on if we choose to stay there? Maybe for some people, staying in their "safe spot" works really well, and that's truly what brings out the best in them. Or maybe the thought of leaving there scares them enough to keep them in place? </div>
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Of course, the answers to those questions will be very personal, but allow me to share mine...<br />
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<br />
I think it's a really good thing for our children to watch us struggle and challenge ourselves. This experience has provided many invitations for both of those things! The struggles haven't been dangerous or life-altering, by any means, but even the little things like figuring out which store to shop at and how to get by (living in the country) without a CAR gives us opportunities to practice our adaptability skills.<br />
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By watching us try - and fail... and try again - and succeed, they see how the whole process works and that they can roll along through it with grace and gratitude. That's what I want them to know and carry with them as they encounter their own challenges throughout life. <br />
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I want them to know it's safe to jump out on a ledge, take a risk, leap without a net. That they can follow their hearts yearnings, even if it's a little on the scary side. That they'll survive and conquer whatever bumps come between them and their dreams. That they might even <i>thrive </i>doing just that!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_2qwUE5k-4GMEFWwwH4yQoDc1SrPRYtCoc-NIKdRPSh1QCB1CaGN1qr-yAV-2sxzwRPzaoGmQUYq8mzOHDyxMP3DhHEUJ6C3COYM0Y0-2StqvhVHfKJsHOZUbEwtesFq7bvt/s1600/DSCN2112.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_2qwUE5k-4GMEFWwwH4yQoDc1SrPRYtCoc-NIKdRPSh1QCB1CaGN1qr-yAV-2sxzwRPzaoGmQUYq8mzOHDyxMP3DhHEUJ6C3COYM0Y0-2StqvhVHfKJsHOZUbEwtesFq7bvt/s1600/DSCN2112.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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There are many families who would love to do something like this, but their excuses get the best of them:<br />
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"... that would be so fun, but we don't want our kids to miss school..." -- ugh. ;)<br />
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"... that would never work for us, because our kids really love their neighborhood/school/house/friends"<br />
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"... what a great experience, but it would be so hard on our kids to be away from (insert person/place/thing here)"<br />
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"... we wouldn't want to change things up for our kids so much; that would be really hard on them"<br />
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<b><i>THE</i></b> reason we're doing this is for our kids, and what this journey can offer them!!! This is an opportunity to learn about so many other options, people, ways of life, critters and on and on. This is a beautiful opportunity for them to learn about themselves. I don't know how this experience will impact them, but I do know that it will. <br />
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Isn't that what life is all about, after-all? Experiences. What's the point if we're not up for something new?<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com2Los Pargos, Costa Rica10.2026061 -85.825585510.1869791 -85.8453265 10.2182331 -85.8058445tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-21271823885819475422012-11-11T11:11:00.000-06:002012-11-12T09:44:20.902-06:00Transition and TearsWe're just over 24 hours away from walking out of our home and life as we know it; into a journey of people, places and things unknown and unfamiliar. And the tears are coming. From me. The rest of the tribe seems to be moving through it nicely, and in their own way, and I'm thankful for that. I'm not hiding my tears. I wondered if I should, but then thought that wouldn't be fair to keep that part of myself from them. So, they see the tears coming, and they offer me love and empathy and smiles. <br />
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I feel silly for not being anything but over the top with Joy about what we're about to do, but I cannot deny the feelings that come, so I will welcome them, feel them, release them, and keep moving...<br />
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It's natural (for me at least, when I finally give myself permission) to feel a small sense of sadness about what it is I'm leaving behind. There are so many things I could mention here; the <i>people</i> (oh YES! the people... I love my people), the <i>places</i> around the community that wrap themselves around you like your favorite old blanket, the <i>things</i> that become your favorites.<br />
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And yet, despite all of that, we've chosen to Leap. Leap into a far away place that we're only slightly familiar with. I know we'll create a space there that's just as wonderful as the one we have here. I know we'll meet kick-ass people that make my heart feel like it's returned home. I know we'll get all the details worked out that one must work out to live a full and magical life. <br />
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I am filled with Gratitude that we've chosen this adventure. I believe there's much to learn about each other and ourselves through this, and *that* is why we're going. It'd be easy to stay right here in our safe little place. But I'm not looking for easy. I'm ready.<br />
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Still ... a little piece of my heart will remain right here.<br />
<!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-43238793956460966952012-10-21T12:18:00.000-05:002012-10-21T12:18:02.749-05:00Essential Self"We are like actors, turned loose in this world to wander in search of a phantom, endlessly searching for our lost reality. When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It's a subtle kind of murder. The most loving parents and relatives commit this murder with smiles on their faces. " Jim Morrison<br />
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I would be lying if I said in the last couple of years I have reinvented or found my true self. I think I have been on a journey for many years and if you believe in reincarnation then maybe many past lives. Our daily lives shape us in who we become but it's the time of awakening in which you truly come to life. It's a moment of ah ha, there may be many of these times throughout ones life and I welcome and love them it keeps things real at least for me. Just recently in my most conscious mind I have recognized something powerful and magical in my life and that is to accept that I can chose my path whether it be negative or positive. So I have taken the power in to my own hands to get what I need to be happy. I used to think it was pretty typical, fall in love, buy a house, have children, and don't forget the stuff, gotta have stuff, and when you get it get some more stuff.<br />
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Somewhere something in me snapped and a realization occurred that if I can get all these external desires fulfilled, Why can't I use my power to gain something bigger and better. For me I began to process what was important to me and honestly answer them with no judgements. It was a hard process because I had old childhood and societal records playing in my head saying, Stop feeling sorry for yourself, You're a man don't be a wimp. There is a point at which we have to take responsibility for our misery as well. It is not others alone who commit murder to our dreams but kind of a suicide, it's easier to put blame on outside sources than to look within. Happiness is what I desired. Who in the hell doesn't want to be happy you idiot. I want to stay happy, not the feeling of buying a new car happy but eternal happiness. I knew that even in the most sad and undesirable moments I surely would encounter I still could attain happiness, to not suffer.<br />
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For me this meant a shift of being in the moment, to find beauty in what ever predicament I was in at the time. Be content. I remember something the Dalai Lama said "calm mind happy life" I carried that quote in my wallet and pulled it out when I felt stressed. I could start seeing the beauty in what surrounded me. That's when my reality started to transform. I began to let go of feelings of resentment of outside sources. You know stuff your Dad did or didn't do, or 'god my boss is an ass hole'.<br />
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Once I found peace, my mind opened up to the possibility that I don't have to march to the beat of someone else's drum. After 16 years of working construction out on the road I put in my two weeks notice . I didn't have a job lined up - the only thing I was betting on was that in mindfulness and positivity, your inner strength can provide your every need. So my amazing journey began. johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15461755040151022414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-46977988241885152622012-09-30T00:33:00.000-05:002012-09-30T00:35:47.283-05:00HealingToday I participated in a day-long educational and training event to learn more about the <a href="http://www.bodytalksystem.com/">Body Talk</a> healing modality. The class I took - <a href="http://www.bodytalksystem.com/seminars/courses/description.cfm?id=53">Body Talk Access</a> - taught me 5 quick and easy techniques that I can now use on myself, my family and others seeking energetic, non-invasive, intuitive, whole body healing.<br />
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But let me back this up just a bit.<br />
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Earlier this summer, I'd made the decision that after the Access class, I would take the "next step" and go for the more (much more) intensive training that Body Talk Fundamentals: <a href="http://www.bodytalksystem.com/seminars/courses/description.cfm?id=1">Part 1</a> & <a href="http://www.bodytalksystem.com/seminars/courses/description.cfm?id=8">Part 2</a> offer. <br />
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Then, I wavered.<br />
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I spent a bunch of time up in my head (oo.. I hate it when I do that!) telling myself all the reasons that wouldn't be a good idea. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"you're going to Costa Rica 9 days after the class... you'll never be able to retain all that information... you always do this, Karen, jump into things and then lack the follow through... it's such a pattern of yours to get all excited and bite off more than you can chew... and on... and on... and on..."</blockquote>
Well, that's just not serving me at all, now is it?!? I am willing and wide open and READY to embrace with my whole heart this new experience. Attending the Access class today has given me the courage to move forward and trust the process. <br />
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I'm excited (nervous, scared, hopeful, and lots of other describing words here!) about this new chapter. For 13 years, I've been playing the Mom role very heavily. I've been interested in all things alternative since bringing our first child into the world, but raising my children has been my priority.<br />
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And so here I go. Very much looking forward to watching this new journey unfold for me and taking an even more active role in our health.<br />
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I'm ready.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-73152913960146787652012-04-24T21:13:00.001-05:002012-04-24T21:13:48.082-05:00And the Garden Grows...Today we planted:<br />
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lettuce<br />
spinach<br />
basil<br />
chives<br />
cilantro<br />
raspberry bush<br />
tomatoes<br />
kale<br />
rainbow chard<br />
cucumbers<br />
grapevine<br />
cabbage<br />
serano peppers<br />
red bell peppers<br />
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We have 3 trees to put into the ground, hopefully tomorrow before the rain falls:<br />
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cherry, tart<br />
cherry, sweet<br />
pear<br />
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So excited to grow our own food. This is our first real attempt at it, and I'm super anxious (as in, not in a good way) ... always thinking I'm doing it wrong. So, here we go, I guess. Fingers crossed :)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-28858820396145046812011-08-21T23:32:00.000-05:002011-08-21T23:32:35.613-05:00Our day in phrases, cuz mama's too tired to thinkcoffee with the one I love<br />
picnic packing<br />
waking children<br />
yogurt, fruit, pecans and chia seeds<br />
mcgriddles - yep, you read that right :) <br />
1.5 hour drive through the gorgeous hills that we call home <br />
VW westie cruzin'<br />
happy children<br />
peeing on a gravel road<br />
exploring the hilly slopes, weeds and creek after the pee <br />
sanctuary with UU's<br />
<a href="http://www.pathwaysspiritualsanctuary.org/index.html">Pathways Spiritual Sanctuary</a><br />
meandering hike<br />
babies and snacks<br />
picnic lunch under a shady tree <br />
sleepy stroller ride<br />
Buddhist water ceremony<br />
carrot eating horses <br />
sun and blue sky<br />
ice cream with beloved friends<br />
playing and falling more in love with ZJ<br />
lots of nursing time <br />
giggles and funny faces, enough so to warrant picture taking by passing bikers<br />
left-overs <br />
pitiful fire pit fire<br />
but hot enough to burn little fingers :(<br />
snuggles with my biggest boy<br />
sleepy time <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-42877939536722387812011-08-10T00:41:00.000-05:002011-08-10T00:41:05.555-05:00Here's Your Order, Ma'am...I've been driving myself crazy lately. Isn't that a funny sentence? ** I'VE ** been driving myself crazy. Why? Why would I do that? Isn't that just stupid. Yep. Stupid, indeed. It's all up in my head, too. This conversation, this story that I tell myself over and over and over. Lots of stories, really. All of them limiting.<br />
<br />
I don't have time to --- fill in the blank.<br />
I can't do that because --- insert lame excuse here.<br />
Why is my life so much harder than everyone else's? <br />
They just wouldn't understand...<br />
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Don't you just love how the Universe lines up with exactly what we ask for? Look at what I've been asking for!!! And I'm <i>surprised</i> that I actually got what I was asking for??? WTH. ;) When will this silly little human ever learn?<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqsRVnUrMZoi2jK5LmhyW2EDSdG2RwD9501hyCUOpzruqqxvxCZDOs3EblpDKH5LjQbUXqoMTN1LE9HyDjlW0dD-OMIwoMrrxwhu8e25z2r0luOFAzxiAbQYkIj3G5QQZB9Z2z/s1600/let.go.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqsRVnUrMZoi2jK5LmhyW2EDSdG2RwD9501hyCUOpzruqqxvxCZDOs3EblpDKH5LjQbUXqoMTN1LE9HyDjlW0dD-OMIwoMrrxwhu8e25z2r0luOFAzxiAbQYkIj3G5QQZB9Z2z/s1600/let.go.jpg" /></a></div>But, today... something happened. I just **was**. I went along with things. I put my agenda aside, and simply trusted everything was exactly as it should be. But I kinda just did it without really thinking about it. I mean, I didn't wake up and say, "today, I shall trust that all is as it should be" -- (but I probably should make a habit of doing THAT!) -- No. Instead, something, some force just carried me along and I surrendered and it felt GOOD. So good.<br />
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And now, my focus shall shift. <br />
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I needed a day just like today. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-89194434174236457192011-07-27T00:46:00.000-05:002011-07-27T00:46:54.634-05:00Lessons in the Dentist Office**This post was written on May 20. Stuck in draft mode for all this time, but it's out now***<br />
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Saylor has been complaining for a short bit about one of his teeth bothering him. He said that when he chewed, or bit down on that particular side, it was uncomfortable and annoying. We're leaving for a long road trip (Life is Good in Vancouver, WA) in just a few days, so we thought it wise to visit the dentist... if one could get us in on such short notice. We called a dentist he'd seen when he was 3, and had done really well with during that time.<br />
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We arrived, she took digital x-rays, discovering that the discomfort he was feeling was not because of a cavity, but because a new tooth was pushing down and the other tooth would be falling out within the next couple months (her estimation). He decided to just have it pulled now and skip two more months of annoyance. He powered through the 'pinch' of getting numbed... one in the gum area and one in the roof of the mouth. :( Then. He sat. For an Hour.<br />
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This particular dentist works solo, evidently to the point of doing her own paper work, etc. While she's asking me the details... name, address, email, phone number, insurance card; my son lays in the chair dreading what's coming. And the longer he sits there, the more his mind goes and the more frightened he becomes. <br />
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I was on the phone asking about finance options (upon her insistence) and she went back into the room where Saylor was. The person I was speaking to needed to speak with her, so I came around the corner to find Saylor fully sobbing in the chair. Turns out, she'd waited so long that he now needed another shot. And I step into a conversation that went something like this:<br />
"I will allow your mom to get you settled, but if you don't calm down I won't let her stay here with you. She can stay for a few minutes to get you settled, but if you don't settle right now, she will have to leave the room. She is not going to rescue you. This is not negotiable. Do you understand me? " All of these words were said in the most un-loving of ways. It made my stomach turn.<br />
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I held his hand. I spoke softly to him and re-assured him everything was going to be alright.<br />
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The dentist went to chat with the person on the phone. Saylor said he wanted to leave, go home. He didn't care if he had to live with his tooth just the way it was.... "I just want to go home," he urged, tears flowing. <br />
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I moved the tray out of his way, and helped him up. I told him that if he wanted to go home we could go home. I said it with love and acceptance. He was afraid to leave the room, "she's gonna see me", he said. I told him not to worry, just to walk out and go wait for me in the van.<br />
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She finished on the phone and I stood there, waiting to see what her reaction was going to be when she saw he wasn't in the chair anymore. I told her he changed his mind, he was done and would just leave the tooth to come out on it's own. She said she'd like a chance to talk to him, that she was good at getting kids to settle, that "that's what she does". So, she went *out to the van* to speak to him. That conversation included more coercion and guilt tactics to try to get him to do something that he did not want to do. Needless to say, he didn't budge. ;) <br />
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What a bizarre experience.<br />
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I am proud of Saylor for listening to his gut, for being brave enough to say when enough was enough. I can learn a thing or two from him in that regard.<br />
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I am so happy that I followed my heart in that moment, rather than what I thought I 'should' do, or what someone else expected me to do. I looked at my child. It was simple to know what to do. *Listen* to him. *Honor* him. Right then, right there. <br />
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It's absolutely insane that someone would dare talk to a child that way. Is that what happens when an adult goes to the dentist and has fear or apprehension? Are they bullied and coerced and forced into shit they aren't ok with? Unreal. <br />
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I paid what we owed for her time, the x-rays and the shots and left feeling like I did the right thing for my son. I could have easily made him do what she wanted. Thank God I didn't. I'm more concerned about what my children think of me than the random man on the street... or the dentist. <br />
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John talked to Saylor about it later that day and told him some really beautiful things that made Saylor smile. He also said some really nice things to me that made me smile. That John is pretty damn out of this world.<br />
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Our boy is happy. That's what counts. And, he knows his parents are his partners. We've shown it in action. Words are easy, it's what we *do* that shows the people we love what we're really all about.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-75866503319229654672011-05-22T21:13:00.003-05:002011-05-22T22:28:23.937-05:00The Light in Me see's The Light in YouSo if I can meditate I feel fortunate. If I can meditate with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Ahjuan</span> I feel inspired, blessed and much more. Today was all the above. When i got to the temple <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Ahjuan</span> was performing some kind of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ceremony</span> that might bring good fortune to someone who lost a job and out of work for some time. So Nice!!! Than he started his <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ritual</span> chanting before meditation. Half way through meditation two people came in he began to talk with them I continued to meditate. When I was done I found out the two were <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">college</span> students researching Buddhism and meditation. One of the girls was Laos and the other American, The Laos girl ask me what had brought me here and why I began to meditate. It took me a second but I simply told her I was meditating with friends back home but what really brought me down this path was a time over a year ago that had stuck with me. It is or was hard to explain until today. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Ok</span> it might not be easy to explain but I'll try my best. I had a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">moment</span> that was profound to me and while reading "Stages of Meditation" by the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Dalai</span> Lama it dawned on me what to call it "Emptiness" ultimate reality, free from elaborations, it is uncontaminated. It felt so good I needed more so here I am. Lucky enough to find a teacher like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Ahjuan</span> I told them he is a great teacher.<br />Than <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Ahjuan</span> began to talk for a long time time to this girl in Laos I had know idea what they were talking about I think he may have told some stories of his life as a young man and it my have been very brutal. As time went on I realized I had to go and I politely excused myself but I wanted to know what he had said and wanted the girl to email me. She said he said many thing and she couldn't understand everything. I kind of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">laughed</span> but on the way out she told me He said that He saw something in me strong and good. I told those girls that just blew my mind and made me very emotional as it does just writing it. I can't wait to see him again.<br /><br />I pay homage to that being sublime<br />Amongst the Buddhas, the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">propounder</span> of the teaching,<br />Who taught that things arise through dependence<br />And that there is no cessation, no birth,<br />No annihilation, no permanence,<br />No coming and no going,<br />No separate meaning and no sameness,<br />Thoroughly free from elaborations, and completely at peacejohnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15461755040151022414noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-20866835925541871902011-05-20T16:36:00.003-05:002011-05-20T17:12:14.550-05:00Hard Day / Great DayI had a rough day <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Wednesday</span> I was very frustrated, agitated, belittled, and sad. What to do tried to get my mind right but couldn't. My day improved but it was still <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">lingering</span>. Vent to my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">gracious</span> wife but still there. Fortunately I had a chance to go meditate at the Buddhist temple with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Ahjuan</span>. When you meditate sometimes your mind wonders all over the place and you can't focus but if you keep taking steady breaths and breathe in the bad and out with good. Ya I know it may sound strange to go that way but that is the way another teacher of mine had taught me " why would you want to put bad back into the world when you have the power to change yourself and your <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">environment</span>" I like that It seems to give me strength. Any way I was able to get on track and remembered what a friend (KP) had told me all people know good from bad. In this situation I was mad at someone that <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">I</span> felt was harming my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">integrity</span> and couldn't speak my mind and be heard, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">that's</span> what really got my goat. All people know good from bad why did this come into my mind. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Yeah</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">that's</span> it I don't have to get all worked up, I don't have to prove myself, I know who I am and I'm happy with that. I don't have to tell the other person he's wrong, he knows good from bad.<br /><br />What a relief the burden was gone and I didn't have to be a jerk about it I felt great. Meditation is such a powerful tool I think I will keep doing it. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Ajhuan</span> says you should meditate every day, I'm trying.<br /><br />The root of Buddhism is the Four Nobel Truths, which states that there is suffering and we can rise above it by <span class="IL_AD" id="IL_AD4">applying</span> techniques which reduce our attachment and clinging to things, people and life itself.<br /><br />"Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others."<br />Buddhajohnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15461755040151022414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-24588784055462871202011-05-15T16:37:00.003-05:002011-05-15T18:26:48.560-05:00No wordsI'm in Lakeville, MN I have had about 4 days off due to weather. My normal past time might be fishing and drinking, uh going out with friends and drinking, or staying in room and drinking. I will admit I did have a glass of wine Thurs. But that night I decided to continue my journey to self improvement and that lead me to the Wat Lao Buddhist Temple just a hop skip from here.<br /><br />I have noticed this place for quit some time but in the past i was curious but to scared. Was I scared this time, not really. I guess I was ready. Friday morning I pulled into this beautiful courtyard were i was greeted by a monk who was doing some gardening (he had rubber boots on under his robe) I asked if there were any time to meditate and he invited me at 4pm. I was pretty excited to practice with the pros. So on my return there he was on the mower cutting grass and he gave me a kind wave. I was reading my meditation book and he was finishing up I guess but he started a vehicle and I was wondering what was going on. He tried to explain but his English was not clear but than I saw he had gotten the mower stuck. So yep I helped getting it out, it was a trip to say the least.<br /><br />This kind sole told me to go into the temple i thought it was this one building but it was locked and he directed me to the other, temple confusion. I had no idea of etiquette so that's me winging it. The monks name is Vunsang which I found out the next day you don't call him by his name. You say Ahjuan which means teacher yes I called him Vunsang duh. So we go to the altar and I just about sat up on the same area as him he said no no you sit there. Than he said now we chant, chant long than meditate and gave out a giggle. Ya it was long about 1 1/2 hours with legs crossed but I loved it. Than we meditated for 30 min and he invited me to eat. I felt very honored.<br /><br />The next day Saturday I was able to get more info via the Internet and a nice lady at the temple. Don't call him by name, take shoes off at door figured that one out on my own, bow three times when you enter and three times at altar, don't set higher than Ahjuan, don't point feet towards the Buddha. I don't Know how tho spell her name but it's V and she had two granddaughters with her 5 - 8 they were just as crazy as my kids. Made me miss them, the girls were fighting and loud but when we began to chant they settled down and it was a long time for them to set. It was amazing. After meditation I met a man KP and he took a lot of time to explain certain things and just get to know me and i didn't realize they were going to perform a ceremony yep more chanting but i was completely into it. This was the preparations for tomorrows ceremony. Yes KP invited me to eat with them. The food is Laos food lots of sticky rice and you use your fingers<br />mostly to eat good good food.<br /><br />Sunday morning there were many people there to celebrate the birth of Buddha, his first ceremony, and the day of enlightenment. I know right i get to experience this blows my mind.<br />Lots of chanting its a time to donate. You take this bowl full of food and some money and empty it out on a table while making wishes for good things for family friends anything. Well I didn't have a basket so some of the women made one up and gave it to me to empty. Another wow.<br />We tied these stings on some of the Buddhas statues for good luck I had one left over and KP said put on Ahjuan. Ahjuan say you have good luck John. He had a banana in his hand while I was tying the string on, he said this is not for you, it made me laugh.<br /><br />We finished the ceremony with offering food to Ahjuan and than KP made an announcement at the end he ask me to tell every one what brought me here. Ah Ah Ah. The funny thing was I didn't have any words of wisdom but I was able to speak clear and calm to a group of about 100 plus that i didn't know. Than we ate.<br /><br />That was just what I experienced physically there is no way I could even begin to describe my emotions my deepest most inner thoughts.<br /><br />Profound<br /><br /><p align="center"><b>"I am the owner of my karma .<br /> I inherit my karma.<br /> I am born of my karma.<br /> I am related to my karma.<br /> I live supported by my karma.<br /> Whatever karma I create, whether good or evil, that I shall inherit." <br /> </b><i>The Buddha</i>,<em> Anguttara Nikaya V.57 - Upajjhatthana Sutta </em> </p>johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15461755040151022414noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-77652133119753168452011-05-03T23:56:00.001-05:002011-05-03T23:56:35.010-05:00Home<a href="http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/edward-sharpe-and-the-magnetic-zeros-home-version-2/7bb83c991471e2cacd227bb83c991471e2cacd22-669824254852?q=home%20edward%20sharpe%20and%20the%20magnetic%20zeros">This song is AMAZING</a>. I love it, love the band. It makes me think of John, and it reminds me of the conversations we have.<br />
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Lyrics here:<br />
<a href="http://www.bing.com/music/lyrics/detail?q=Edward+Sharpe+And+The+Magnetic+Zeros+Home+%28Featuring+The+Gulu+Widows+Choir%29&songID=F5B27106-0100-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&lyricsID=17297203&albumID=87AD7106-0100-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&artistID=42DA1600-0200-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&pc=LRFD&FORM=DTPMUA">_Home_</a> by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros <br />
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We've been married for nearly 17 years. And the years keep getting better. And the love keeps growing stronger. Good, good stuff.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-20679068013609375162011-04-15T13:36:00.002-05:002011-04-15T13:56:45.538-05:00GratitudeSomething I need to keep reminding myself mostly about work is to be thankful even in the trying times there is always something that can lift your spirits. Thankfully I have such a great wife to tell my stories of so called horrors at work and together we are able to see a new light. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Thats</span> why people get married it is a joint effort at least for us. If it weren't for our great relationship I would have gone postal a long time ago. She is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">definitely</span> my soul mate and together we will rise to any so called glitch in life.<br /><br />It is good to see ourselves as others see us. Try as we may, we are never<br /> able to know ourselves fully as we are, especially the evil side of us. <br /> This we can do only if we are not angry with our critics but will take in good<br /> heart whatever they might have to say. Gandhijohnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15461755040151022414noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-79822962197130274602011-04-14T00:57:00.000-05:002011-04-14T00:57:20.492-05:00The TimesToday was kind of a rough day for me. Zuri has been grumpy with a cold, and so is quite needy of me, my arms, my attention. I do mostly pretty good at just *being* with her, but when my other sweets need, oh, say... Food! it gets more difficult. And so, because I don't have 'down-time' during the day, here I sit at this crazy hour, reflecting, breathing, being still. (really, though, i should be sleeping, because i woke up with a head-ache and vowed to myself and Zuri that we'd take a nap together today. didn't happen)<br />
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Zuri and I went on a short bike ride today, which included a slight hill, so I'll count that as my little work-out. My legs felt like rubber when I was done, so, really, it counts. I was in a better frame of mind after some fresh air and walking around by the pond that we rode to. Zuri was fascinated with all the goose poop, and kept leading me around, pointing it all out to me... "poop", she'd say. Yep. I even let her touch one (it was pretty dried out, so there). <br />
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The boys and I watched some Daniel Tosh stand-up stuff. He's a funny one, that Daniel. Of course, some cool conversations came out of that. Also watched American Idol. I'm pulling for Casey Abrams. Zuri was ready for sleep at this point, so we came downstairs and laid together while John and I had a long, great (as usual) conversation over the phone. He's in Torrington, WY, heading home tomorrow. Damn weather better allow his safe travels. <br />
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I told John this, and I'll say it here, too: I am in awe and so inspired by the man that he is. I sometimes have to do a double-take and blink my eyes a time or two and remind myself that this is real. This relationship that we have. I love who he is as a human being. And I really, really love that I get to be a part of his journey. Damn lucky, us two. Fo Sho.<br />
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After I said goodnight to Johnny Ray, I slid out from under Zuri to go fix the boys a snack and take it upstairs to where they were (corn dogs and clementines). "Oh, awesome, this is so awesome, thanks mom!" says Stone. <br />
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Sage came down requesting more clementines, so I sent him back up with a bowl full (peeled). I'm working on my 'food issues' lately. I will trust my children with their food choices, no guilt attached. And that includes no crazy eyes. It's easy to not *say* anything, but most times, our faces say it all, even if we don't utter a word. Well, mine does, anyway. Ask John. So, I've decided that for them to trust me where food is concerned, I first need to trust them and *their* food choices. If all I ever do is shove my agenda down their throats (nice pun, huh?) how will they ever really have space in their thinking that will allow them to simply watch and decide if the way John and I eat interests them, or holds any real value for them. <br />
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Well, my teeth are brushed (was going to wash my face, but... nah), the kids have all been checked in with one more time and kissed and told that they are loved. They're set. And I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams...xxoxxoAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-66615382559782732232011-04-12T00:04:00.000-05:002011-04-12T00:04:48.530-05:00Our DayZuri is under the weather (i wonder where that saying ever came from?) today, so we hung close to home. We did spend a short bit at the park nearby. Figured some sunshine and fresh air never hurt anyone. She enjoyed herself, too. First time riding the merry-go-round. I was on it with he at first, but then had to get off and have her big brothers hold her on the horse so I wouldn't lose my cookies in front of all the other park-goers.<br />
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We spent some time on the trampoline, watched a movie (sage and I), played Xbox w/ friends (Saylor & Stone), watched Netflix thru Xbox live w/ friends (Saylor, Stone), hung clothes on the line (me), watched some Youtube vids (S,S,S), went for a walk with Grandma (Stone, Sage, Zuri, me), practiced some parkour (Stone, Sage), rode a bike (Stone, Sage), took a couple naps (Zuri), ate some frozen blueberries and strawberries, twice (Zuri), made a smoothie, twice (Saylor, me), started a <a href="http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/page/2/"><i>hilarious book</i></a> (me), played with the dollies (Zuri, me)... --- ... --- and a whole bunch of other stuff that I'm not thinking of now. It's late, afterall.<br />
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I caught myself thinking today: "Wow. This is my life? Really? It's ***MY*** life!!!!!" I'm Grateful beyond words for our beautiful life. The simple things bring me so much joy. Just being here to take care of our children in a mindful way heals my heart and makes me whole. Everyday.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-40459700253301613322011-04-06T00:43:00.000-05:002011-04-06T00:43:22.396-05:00Make Time for PlayAfter I got Zuri nursed down to sleep, I slid (very stealthly... else she'd wake up and search for the boob!) out of bed, got my face washed and teeth brushed, then made up a quick batch of nachos for the boys. I took them upstairs to where they were playing MW2 and hung out with them for a while, watching and learning about how that whole thing works. They're very patient with me, and all my questions. (I am a woman with many, I assure you. Maybe not always a good thing. Or maybe it is.)<br />
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Stone was playing on-line with someone who I could hear through his headset. He sounded like a cool kid, and Stone and he were having fun running around showing each other little glitches here and there. And <i>I</i> was enjoying watching. WHAT?!?!? Yep. I was actually watching with pure, un-distracted interest in what they were doing. I think it helped that I could hear the conversation, because then it helped me understand what their goals and objectives were. It was so cool. Even though I don't understand every. little. detail. about their game, I'm there, watching, participating in whatever way I know how. They like that. They want me there. They explain what they're doing, and what this term and that saying means. I'm there for them now so they know that I'll be there for them always. As parents, we can tell our kids that we'll always be there for them or we can simply show them. Actions always speak louder than words. <br />
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I attended a drum circle this evening. Another friend of mine attended, too. She said she only came because her daughter wanted to be there, and that she *herself* would never come to something like that because it would be something too close to what her mother would do. She and I went on to have a conversation about the role of being the first born child plays (or, how shitty it is to be the first born). We...er, um, maybe I'll switch to "I" now.... I am always serious. I always have to make sure everyone else is taken care of. I can't have too much fun, because who has time for fun, because I have to be the UBER responsible one, making sure everyone gets home safely or doesn't drown in their own vomit. Play? Nope, sorry, too busy being responsible. <br />
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Eck.<br />
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I want to PLAY. I want to PLAY. I want to PLAY. <br />
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My children remind me to play. To stop with the responsibilities and just Play, right here, right now, before this Now is gone. I'll never regret putting down the 'serious stuff' to have some fun and make memories with my kids. They are, and will remain, my Greatest Teachers. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-18854794112383116332011-04-04T16:11:00.000-05:002011-04-04T16:11:01.373-05:00Jeffrey Lewis - End Result<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/oKHjiGUct4Q?fs=1" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="295" width="480"></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-72741119940651268662011-03-29T18:52:00.000-05:002011-03-29T18:52:31.834-05:00On ListeningThis past Sunday at fellowship, our lay leader shared with us a spoken word essay on life's themes and detachment. It was lovely to listen to. Who doesn't like to be still and listen to a good story? John tells the kids stories all the time, (and I've heard the stories several times) but I sit and listen like it's the first time I've ever heard it. <br />
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As I was cleaning up the kitchen today, a thought stumbled into my head: just think of how much we miss out on, because we're too busy talking...or preparing to talk. Listening is big. Today, I will try to be a better listener. <br />
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The spoken word essay was from this site :::: <a href="http://listenwell.org/index.htm">~Listen Well~</a> From its homepage: "offering once monthly, recorded pieces that speak to our need for individual awakening, and embrace the shared wisdom of all faiths..."<br />
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Can't wait to hear more, there are a whole list of archived pieces just calling my name.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-47027956507046866802011-03-26T21:25:00.003-05:002011-03-26T23:10:26.638-05:00Spring is here?We celebrated the spring equinox last weekend and it was gorgeous. Friday the 18th we spent alone just our tribe of six. On Sat 72 friends came together to bring in the spring with planting seeds, decorating eggs, hunting eggs, Hula Hooping, dancing, drumming, singing, and telling stories. It was so much fun, what great souls. This weekend a bit of snow but I know it will be warming up soon cause I got the call to go back to work. I am excited about the work season this year I feel I have grown so much. My perception of life has changed in many ways, it is hard to put into words. I am very grateful and blessed with such a wonderful life.<br />Its Saturday 26th we just turned the electricity back on after an hour of drumming and singing by candle light to honor mother earth so nice. Boys hanging with cousin Jarod , Mama in bed with baby girl I think I will join them.<br /><br />You must be the change you wish to see in the worldAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-51537602483193187092011-03-26T17:22:00.000-05:002011-03-26T19:04:51.223-05:00SaturdayWe're spending the day lazing around, mostly. I"ve spent some time playing around with a free webinar service that we can use for the coop help our members becoming more familiar with our on line ordering procedures and stuff like that><br /><br />and now<> or an apostrophe " this is what i get> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">sHIT</span>!!! And my letters will become upper case for no reason, at random times. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">shhhh</span>. Don't tell John. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Saylor</span> and I just got done 'damaging' (oh! look, it's working now!) John's computer using <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">uTorrent</span>. Evidently, we invited in a nasty little infection. But. <a href="http://fredfixmycomputer.com/">Fred (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">fixmycomputer</span>)</a> fixed her up for us. Next time, we'll just save the $95 and buy the movie we want. :)<br /><br />John is scheduled to start his first mill job of the season on Monday. However, we now have 2 inches of snow on the ground, so that may get pushed back a bit. <br /><br />Our life is buzzing right along, ever so sweetly. John and I were just talking about how content we feel right now. It's wonderfully wonderful. I love that we have such real conversations. We're both comfortable with sharing our feelings and that is what makes our relationship so special, I believe. <br /><br />The other night, while laying in bed trying to go to sleep (on a night when I had to have my alarm set for a wake-up the next morning, so naturally, could NOT fall asleep), I decided to start a blog for each of the children. I wonder if they show up automatically within this little place (like in my profile somewhere?) or perhaps I should link to them here, too? <br /><br />Ya. That's what I'll do. I'll put them here, and then I'll add them to my sidebar.<br /><br />John's watching "<a href="http://movies.netflix.com/Movie/Thumbs-Up/70139318">Thumbs Up</a>", and I'm listening in. Sounds interesting. It's about hitchhiking. <br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Ok</span>, so John is giving me crap about... "what, now are you going to become a rolling reporter? someday you'll have to actually interact with your kids" -- because I'm giving a play by play here. <br /><br />I'm gonna go now. Interact with my kids. :)<br /><br />Happy, Happy, Joy, JoyAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-69474757235035738162010-09-22T23:34:00.002-05:002010-09-22T23:43:41.963-05:00Summer Snapshots<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI2aySsiK_ldKtog3ccx1CFXU4tR5KdQi2__zktgU5ciV4G8KlE8LS3V2xdwPhnStXjXTdrRad-TQcN5YEhDfiZBathBlrcSO_W_6CZxDdKY_HLu4af_5y01NMoiVeiOBgHv3a/s1600/Jan-July2010+098.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI2aySsiK_ldKtog3ccx1CFXU4tR5KdQi2__zktgU5ciV4G8KlE8LS3V2xdwPhnStXjXTdrRad-TQcN5YEhDfiZBathBlrcSO_W_6CZxDdKY_HLu4af_5y01NMoiVeiOBgHv3a/s320/Jan-July2010+098.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519964407031328130" border="0" /></a>A half hour after this photo was taken, we all loaded up to go join the Halo: Reach prelaunch party at Game Stop. Well, Saylor enjoyed the festivities, the rest of us hung out in the car and read Harry Potter. And slept. ;)<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4OQY91auZyR4g4xuXR_K75yVKROri2_6HZALRRlYB1-kQVTKr4CPYk7t9KMc_OYoC1Iu-6wgkLwB0pH1LMPxTqEKoUQpjaXf64W-CpXrt8MnMxJgMswDuWD3KRzncf3trtxMe/s1600/Jan-July2010+076.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4OQY91auZyR4g4xuXR_K75yVKROri2_6HZALRRlYB1-kQVTKr4CPYk7t9KMc_OYoC1Iu-6wgkLwB0pH1LMPxTqEKoUQpjaXf64W-CpXrt8MnMxJgMswDuWD3KRzncf3trtxMe/s320/Jan-July2010+076.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519964402431382418" border="0" /></a>Big Daddy on the Rope Swing.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaQq1w8NkLEhpOtVpTRqUZ135L4y3BcPC7eUPVhC-BdqijwrDY3Vd6PKpX0plC7maJg9naCvF6mc_jn6RI2k-2_3KvEu-750W4KdbuhOH7i4bI6bIaq9Z5zqxacCK_l1mNmJ0o/s1600/Jan-July2010+075.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaQq1w8NkLEhpOtVpTRqUZ135L4y3BcPC7eUPVhC-BdqijwrDY3Vd6PKpX0plC7maJg9naCvF6mc_jn6RI2k-2_3KvEu-750W4KdbuhOH7i4bI6bIaq9Z5zqxacCK_l1mNmJ0o/s320/Jan-July2010+075.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519964389959430722" border="0" /></a>Saylor on the rope swing.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-i-a-0DzGtIHtnP9DCyQVqR_ikvnWzGIzYrJoOtzFY5xhooAjpF9UB6fxT9G29ZNRw3t9aTLcBghJNYE4I4XU6z92YRVcOh7N7pLCX9Wg9uBLSvnwhzP4i6jF8kQqe7e9q82z/s1600/Jan-July2010+072.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-i-a-0DzGtIHtnP9DCyQVqR_ikvnWzGIzYrJoOtzFY5xhooAjpF9UB6fxT9G29ZNRw3t9aTLcBghJNYE4I4XU6z92YRVcOh7N7pLCX9Wg9uBLSvnwhzP4i6jF8kQqe7e9q82z/s320/Jan-July2010+072.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519964376241534818" border="0" /></a>Sunshine Girl.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgAGfUkVLiw2Gn9BVqUDJqxE9_1WXm4RzSbJE2cbKMizr4D95MWf1dmuLVYNeYg54CpxFLasJknT_vho4uQwaGozSylebowmzrGxLKAb_gGvvA2ltNyzEM3ixjII4jtu_YYTDU/s1600/Jan-July2010+057.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgAGfUkVLiw2Gn9BVqUDJqxE9_1WXm4RzSbJE2cbKMizr4D95MWf1dmuLVYNeYg54CpxFLasJknT_vho4uQwaGozSylebowmzrGxLKAb_gGvvA2ltNyzEM3ixjII4jtu_YYTDU/s320/Jan-July2010+057.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519964368488517554" border="0" /></a>Hangin' with the friends.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-68770586596104964012010-09-22T23:19:00.004-05:002010-09-22T23:34:06.395-05:00Little moments...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Pc88jZ7xLF0946G1C9X1EL890Xc13PRC9Empy-0VDJS2pPTobKcCBLhobL0w7Hkps3FzkFLVThnbvskZcfuVftyEAw8lmrDpQvX858DVgGcPekKGLuvCdIIhXU66k9z55nVX/s1600/Jan-July2010+050.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Pc88jZ7xLF0946G1C9X1EL890Xc13PRC9Empy-0VDJS2pPTobKcCBLhobL0w7Hkps3FzkFLVThnbvskZcfuVftyEAw8lmrDpQvX858DVgGcPekKGLuvCdIIhXU66k9z55nVX/s320/Jan-July2010+050.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519959756999772754" border="0" /></a><br />So, these are kind of in 'reverse order', but that's ok. Here, Beautiful Stone turns 9! We had a small gathering of friends join us at Peppy's Pizza where we ate pizza, played games, had some lazer tag fun and gorged on chocolate cake - well, I gorged. I love chocolate cake.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhvGbyFcXqo_dhyphenhyphenTbYhwCPTHzcffCqY4O2S4en83l_EBFzqk03N3yXnZsW9N9jMBgWmoO0vyrg7VHdkcdA1m_aJWZuhSkTv2KgOH4gqtD5Y0O6PQ_rDhteoWoezX6bY8Mmvjd7/s1600/Jan-July2010+016.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhvGbyFcXqo_dhyphenhyphenTbYhwCPTHzcffCqY4O2S4en83l_EBFzqk03N3yXnZsW9N9jMBgWmoO0vyrg7VHdkcdA1m_aJWZuhSkTv2KgOH4gqtD5Y0O6PQ_rDhteoWoezX6bY8Mmvjd7/s320/Jan-July2010+016.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519959755804632946" border="0" /></a>My lovely sister and my sweet baby daughter. Simply kissable, both of 'em!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGgfXrGOHtBG5AVjQsups3z2H-uqKHem0Rundt445YdQEA1pc5LQM7D54SPw3IBQ1_l0Z86sBYZ1v1b5J9N8otsEWV3Y8-Mf2LNjatcdDd8P20vg-j-GnehvLU9epX4t6309RH/s1600/Jan-July2010+008.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGgfXrGOHtBG5AVjQsups3z2H-uqKHem0Rundt445YdQEA1pc5LQM7D54SPw3IBQ1_l0Z86sBYZ1v1b5J9N8otsEWV3Y8-Mf2LNjatcdDd8P20vg-j-GnehvLU9epX4t6309RH/s320/Jan-July2010+008.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519959747203565266" border="0" /></a>Max, our old dog. He was brought home about a month before I got pregnant with Saylor. Saylor turns 12 in January. Old dog. Deaf now, but still totally loyal and protective of our babies.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju2B2x5Wdtp0FAF6_TtFqFPqxBz8Ay8lcvPxaIuZbMtdvSfiZSxwSh4UOgmtuh-LAH_1xXnCMxY9A9RdJXFALGEIt4KYUAXrOZruKnkdlpmqzDKQ2Cs4A_veOq4cL5D4qjyJVc/s1600/Jan-July2010+011.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju2B2x5Wdtp0FAF6_TtFqFPqxBz8Ay8lcvPxaIuZbMtdvSfiZSxwSh4UOgmtuh-LAH_1xXnCMxY9A9RdJXFALGEIt4KYUAXrOZruKnkdlpmqzDKQ2Cs4A_veOq4cL5D4qjyJVc/s320/Jan-July2010+011.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519959736558791602" border="0" /></a>Daddy and Baby Girl.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTq8ChIU1gfiidCY_-rp7ejr2yQTXn0ruQvjB8rS-NV5aZk2AhtgcMNsCv2XEYwj14e21LO7r3DrpGmHrlA0zAk2GccBb-oSw_Yg3mnAkhedbASkJQD4nEFES4Wf8vOSWBob7v/s1600/Jan-July2010+001.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTq8ChIU1gfiidCY_-rp7ejr2yQTXn0ruQvjB8rS-NV5aZk2AhtgcMNsCv2XEYwj14e21LO7r3DrpGmHrlA0zAk2GccBb-oSw_Yg3mnAkhedbASkJQD4nEFES4Wf8vOSWBob7v/s320/Jan-July2010+001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519959729610479026" border="0" /></a>One of 4, yes, ***4*** visits from Diana and Hayden this summer. I love these people. I believe we're playing a very fun game called "bullshit" here. I highly recommend it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-42839306456509564762010-09-18T17:15:00.003-05:002010-09-18T17:34:14.723-05:00To My ChildrenI was reading <a href="http://www.postsecret.com/2010/09/sunday-secrets_11.html">Post Secret</a> today, and <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCCOv9cK7gaEhTIQH-vtgj8eYOFRyU9DI88cAYORZ_ovtOjLlB87o6v1xT7iyJADUz92Y9yeX8d0DPVN1fjBofC7B1NXQI82Ep7AT0XfHCF-Cq9V_6maNRkoZMzCV28x8OMeE_qQ/s1600/sailing.jpg">this</a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCCOv9cK7gaEhTIQH-vtgj8eYOFRyU9DI88cAYORZ_ovtOjLlB87o6v1xT7iyJADUz92Y9yeX8d0DPVN1fjBofC7B1NXQI82Ep7AT0XfHCF-Cq9V_6maNRkoZMzCV28x8OMeE_qQ/s1600/sailing.jpg"> particular post</a> stuck out to me in a big way. <br /><br />When I think long and hard about the kind of influence I want to have on my children, and the type of relationship I wish for with them, it comes back to this.<br /><br />I know the feeling of 'guarding' myself when talking to or hanging out with my family. And I feel sorry for them that they don't know me, my authentic, whole, beautiful Self. It's my own fault, I realize this. I wonder how to begin showing them, and wonder, also, why it has to be so hard and scary to be real with people. Baby steps... I know I'll get there. <br /><br />I work very hard every day practicing acceptance and loving kindness with my children, so they know deep down that they never need to guard themselves with me. They never need to 'omit' part of a story, or feel shameful or <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">embarrassed</span> sharing their thoughts with me, for fear that I will judge them. Each of them has a life of their own, they are on a journey that may or may not reflect bits of my own, and that's ok. It's better than ok. It's the way of the world, whether people want to admit it or not. Some people think they will be successful in controlling their kids to do what they say, when they say, etc. It might work for a while, but I wonder if they stop to think about the damage being done? Do they understand that they are likely missing out on knowing the true essence of that child? What a tragedy. To know oneself is the most important thing we can do for ourselves, yet so many of us have no idea who we really are. I wonder why that is......?!<br /><br />To my beautiful children, the Lights of my life:<br /><br />I promise to love you, to accept you, to celebrate life with you no matter what that looks like. I promise not to have that look of disapproval, or that tone in my voice that makes you feel bad or less, I promise to jump right in there with you to share whatever emotion you're sharing with me. I promise to be Grateful for this life that we get to spend *together*, and I can't wait to watch as your life continues to unfold for you. <br /><br />You amaze me every day. I'm so Glad to be your Mama... <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17608754.post-60340604832249136482010-09-15T19:17:00.003-05:002010-09-15T19:35:40.284-05:00I just gotta be me.Dang. Damn. Shit. Hell.<br /><br />ahem...<br /><br />Ok, it's been a long, long, long time since I made it a priority to WRITE. Writing makes me ~~~feel~~~ better, so, why don't I do it, already!?! Well, do you have a minute? I'll begin to begin my story. Read along if ya like.<br /><br />A couple of years ago, I was so terribly betrayed by somebody in my family. Read <a href="http://thewildtribe.blogspot.com/2008/11/update.html">here</a>, if you want the dirt. It's over and done now, but I believe it damaged me a great deal. I think back to the person I was *before betrayal* and who I am now, and I'm different. I don't want to be different, damaged, any more. It's time I reclaim my mojo and get on with it. <br /><br />I am taking back that part of me that is Confident, Proud, Self-assured, Strong, Fearless, Trusting. I need to move forward as that person. My children need me to move forward as that person. They deserve nothing less than <span style="font-weight:bold;">that<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span> person. <br /><br />When I wrote regularly, my life just seemed - - - better. Was my life better because I wrote? Did I write because my life was better? One thing is for sure. I pay more attention when I write. I watch more, I notice more, I'm more present. Weird, I know. I never pretended to be normal. <br /><br />So, here I am. The Whole of Me. For everyone to read and judge. But, that's their deal. I'm here, as me, doing what I will do, and making no apologies for who I *AM*. <br /><br />And so... here goes.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05024035182585463786noreply@blogger.com3