Lessons in the Dentist Office

**This post was written on May 20.  Stuck in draft mode for all this time, but it's out now***

Saylor has been complaining for a short bit about one of his teeth bothering him.  He said that when he chewed, or bit down on that particular side, it was uncomfortable and annoying.  We're leaving for a long road trip (Life is Good in Vancouver, WA)  in just a few days, so we thought it wise to visit the dentist... if one could get us in on such short notice.  We called a dentist he'd seen when he was 3, and had done really well with during that time.

We arrived, she took digital x-rays, discovering that the discomfort he was feeling was not because of a cavity, but because a new tooth was pushing down and the other tooth would be falling out within the next couple months (her estimation).  He decided to just have it pulled now and skip two more months of annoyance.   He powered through the 'pinch' of getting numbed... one in the gum area and one in the roof of the mouth. :(   Then.  He sat.  For an Hour.

This particular dentist works solo, evidently to the point of doing her own paper work, etc.  While she's asking me the details... name, address, email, phone number, insurance card; my son lays in the chair dreading what's coming.  And the longer he sits there, the more his mind goes and the more frightened he becomes.

I was on the phone asking about finance options (upon her insistence) and she went back into the room where Saylor was.  The person I was speaking to needed to speak with her, so I came around the corner to find Saylor fully sobbing in the chair.  Turns out, she'd waited so long that he now needed another shot.  And I step into a conversation that went something like this:
 "I will allow your mom to get you settled, but if you don't calm down I won't let her stay here with you.  She can stay for a few minutes to get you settled, but if you don't settle right now, she will have to leave the room.  She is not going to rescue you.  This is not negotiable.  Do you understand me? "  All of these words were said in the most un-loving of ways.  It made my stomach turn.

I held his hand.  I spoke softly to him and re-assured him everything was going to be alright.

The dentist went to chat with the person on the phone.  Saylor said he wanted to leave, go home.  He didn't care if he had to live with his tooth just the way it was....  "I just want to go home," he urged, tears flowing. 

I moved the tray out of his way, and helped him up.  I told him that if he wanted to go home we could go home.  I said it with love and acceptance.  He was afraid to leave the room, "she's gonna see me", he said.  I told him not to worry, just to walk out and go wait for me in the van.

She finished on the phone and I stood there, waiting to see what her reaction was going to be when she saw he wasn't in the chair anymore.  I told her he changed his mind, he was done and would just leave the tooth to come out on it's own.  She said she'd like a chance to talk to him, that she was good at getting kids to settle, that "that's what she does".  So, she went *out to the van* to speak to him.  That conversation included more coercion and guilt tactics to try to get him to do something that he did not want to do.  Needless to say, he didn't budge. ;) 

What a bizarre experience.


I am proud of Saylor for listening to his gut, for being brave enough to say when enough was enough.  I can learn a thing or two from him in that regard.


I am so happy that I followed my heart in that moment, rather than what I thought I 'should' do, or what someone else expected me to do.  I looked at my child.  It was simple to know what to do.  *Listen* to him.  *Honor* him.  Right then, right there.  

It's absolutely insane that someone would dare talk to a child that way.  Is that what happens when an adult goes to the dentist and has fear or apprehension?  Are they bullied and coerced and forced into shit they aren't ok with?  Unreal.

I paid what we owed for her time, the x-rays and the shots and left feeling like I did the right thing for my son.  I could have easily made him do what she wanted.  Thank God I didn't.  I'm more concerned about what my children think of me than the random man on the street... or the dentist. 

John talked to Saylor about it later that day and told him some really beautiful things that made Saylor smile.  He also said some really nice things to me that made me smile.  That John is pretty damn out of this world.

Our boy is happy.  That's what counts.  And, he knows his parents are his partners.  We've shown it in action.  Words are easy, it's what we *do* that shows the people we love what we're really all about.

Great Reasons for Traveling!

... opportunities to soar to new heights...

... an everchanging backyard...


... signs that lead the way...

What's Happening

It was an extremely windy day here today, so we stayed inside for most of it. The boys did venture out a couple times, but with the wind, it was really quite chilly. We watched Talladega Nights last night, and for tonight we have Little Miss Sunshine. I've seen it, but no one else has. It's such a great movie.

My brother and his gal are coming tomorrow from Irvine to spend the day. Hoping the weather is cooperative enough for a hike in the mountains. And speaking of visits from family members, my Mom is going to fly out here to see us the end of February. She's missing the boys so much. It'll be great fun to have her here for a week. The boys are happy she's coming. And, no definite plans yet, but my Dad made the mention of coming out while we're here, too. Looking forward to it all!

There's another bus conversion parked here. He's a welder, she hangs out, no kids. They want to sell their conversion. I saw the inside of it today. It's decent, but would need some re-doing. It's not quite set up for a family to live in. It works for 2, but missing some elements like a stove and a shower. She came over for a cup of coffee and is kind of this quirky, funny type of person. We're chatting about something, then, in the middle of the conversation, she says "I think you're really nice". She's 25 and has an innocent naivety about her. But I also get the feeling she's had a hard go of it. Certain our paths have crossed for a reason...

The boys are watching the Princess Bride right now. Saylor spent a good part of the morning out surviving the wild of the campground. He had his 'spears' all loaded up in a camp chair bag, slung across his back. He was out finding pecans and eating them, y'know, surviving in the wild on what you can find. We've been watching Man vs. Wild every night before we go to bed and learning so much. Like what plant to use to poison little fish so they float to the top, and that you can eat them because the root is only toxic to fish, not humans.

Saylor is very much into guns, knives, whips, spears...things like that. His birthday is coming up and all he wants is a machete and a flint and Guitar Hero. My guy... I'm so in love!