February 13, 2008

Happiness

"True happiness is an acceptance of life as it is given to us, with its diminishment, mystery, uncontrollability, and all." -- Michael Gellert


Yes. Yes, indeed. And my acceptance of late has come in the form of remembering to honor the same advice I give my children. "Follow the Joy. Don't do something that doesn't feel right to *you*."

Last Sunday, I was as far away from Peace as I'd been in a very long time. I was consumed with the thought of this being my last free day with my family. Come Monday morning, when my phone would rip me out of restful sleep, the call from a local school, asking me to come in and take Mrs. So and So's class for the day; I would belong to someone, some thing, else.

I moped around here all day, incredibly sad. My family was sad, too. Nobody wanted me to do this, myself included. So, why did I think I "had" to? I kept telling myself, "It's the right thing to do". Hmmmmmm? Really? Is it "right" to feel soul-less? Because that's how it was feeling, as I tried to imagine myself putting on clothes that I hate, walking down the hallway, fronting someone that I'm not, being with other people's children all day, reading to them and trying my very hardest to be nice, while my children are away from me.

I went to bed Sunday night fully expecting that phone to ring Monday morning. I slept fitfully, dreaming all night long about a million different things. I kept waking up thinking, "I don't want to do this..."

Well, the phone didn't ring. My family was happy, I was happy. Lesson learned. I won't be leaving my family to do something that I'm less than enthusiastic about. Thankfully, my wonderful man is fully on board, too. He wants me around. That's cool.

We've decided we'd rather be in debt a couple years longer, and be happy, then be out of debt a couple years earlier and be miserable.

Following the Joy.............and oooooooooooo, it feels so good!


5 comments:

Sue and Steve said...

I love this one! You just inspired me to add my current favorite quote to our blog. Now I want to go find a really good book of days with quotes on mindfulness!

Hope the boys are feeling well and you're well too! (Steve's struggling with something flu-like, poor dear, and right on his deadline week for the magazine. Three days out of work and counting... :( )

tribalmama said...

Oops! I was messing around with the color, and the rest of this post printed black. Which won't work on BLACK! So, here it is in read-able orange!

Sue and Steve said...

i wondered why i didn't see the post when i visited earlier!
Good for you! I *love* it when I drop the self-coercion. Steve just asked me this morning, "how do you know when you're following your bliss?" and I said, 'Because it feels bliss-full!" Anything less isn't worth doing.

I'm well-conditioned to be fiscally responsible and can torment myself about money issues, but when I'm lucky I remember that money really is a flow rather than something to be hoarded, and wealth or the lack thereof is just a story we tell ourselves. When I have money in the bank, it's as unreal as when I have debt, in my actual experience of it. Life's still going on!

Amy said...

Yay for you, Karen! That's such a liberating, joyous feeling, isn't it? I remember feeling that exact same way when I did in home daycare in 2001/2002 for just a few months. I could see that affecting Accalia, too. It was such a wonderful feeling to stop and just be able to be a mom again.

Snavleys said...

Wow, tough isn't it? It will always work out when we follow our inner Self. Good for you for listening.