"True happiness is an acceptance of life as it is given to us, with its diminishment, mystery, uncontrollability, and all." -- Michael Gellert
Yes. Yes, indeed. And my acceptance of late has come in the form of remembering to honor the same advice I give my children. "Follow the Joy. Don't do something that doesn't feel right to *you*."
Last Sunday, I was as far away from Peace as I'd been in a very long time. I was consumed with the thought of this being my last free day with my family. Come Monday morning, when my phone would rip me out of restful sleep, the call from a local school, asking me to come in and take Mrs. So and So's class for the day; I would belong to someone, some thing, else.
I moped around here all day, incredibly sad. My family was sad, too. Nobody wanted me to do this, myself included. So, why did I think I "had" to? I kept telling myself, "It's the right thing to do". Hmmmmmm? Really? Is it "right" to feel soul-less? Because that's how it was feeling, as I tried to imagine myself putting on clothes that I hate, walking down the hallway, fronting someone that I'm not, being with other people's children all day, reading to them and trying my very hardest to be nice, while my children are away from me.
I went to bed Sunday night fully expecting that phone to ring Monday morning. I slept fitfully, dreaming all night long about a million different things. I kept waking up thinking, "I don't want to do this..."
Well, the phone didn't ring. My family was happy, I was happy. Lesson learned. I won't be leaving my family to do something that I'm less than enthusiastic about. Thankfully, my wonderful man is fully on board, too. He wants me around. That's cool.
We've decided we'd rather be in debt a couple years longer, and be happy, then be out of debt a couple years earlier and be miserable.
Following the Joy.............and oooooooooooo, it feels so good!