September 22, 2010

Summer Snapshots

A half hour after this photo was taken, we all loaded up to go join the Halo: Reach prelaunch party at Game Stop. Well, Saylor enjoyed the festivities, the rest of us hung out in the car and read Harry Potter. And slept. ;)
Big Daddy on the Rope Swing.
Saylor on the rope swing.
Sunshine Girl.
Hangin' with the friends.

Little moments...

So, these are kind of in 'reverse order', but that's ok. Here, Beautiful Stone turns 9! We had a small gathering of friends join us at Peppy's Pizza where we ate pizza, played games, had some lazer tag fun and gorged on chocolate cake - well, I gorged. I love chocolate cake.
My lovely sister and my sweet baby daughter. Simply kissable, both of 'em!
Max, our old dog. He was brought home about a month before I got pregnant with Saylor. Saylor turns 12 in January. Old dog. Deaf now, but still totally loyal and protective of our babies.
Daddy and Baby Girl.
One of 4, yes, ***4*** visits from Diana and Hayden this summer. I love these people. I believe we're playing a very fun game called "bullshit" here. I highly recommend it.

September 18, 2010

To My Children

I was reading Post Secret today, and this particular post stuck out to me in a big way.

When I think long and hard about the kind of influence I want to have on my children, and the type of relationship I wish for with them, it comes back to this.

I know the feeling of 'guarding' myself when talking to or hanging out with my family. And I feel sorry for them that they don't know me, my authentic, whole, beautiful Self. It's my own fault, I realize this. I wonder how to begin showing them, and wonder, also, why it has to be so hard and scary to be real with people. Baby steps... I know I'll get there.

I work very hard every day practicing acceptance and loving kindness with my children, so they know deep down that they never need to guard themselves with me. They never need to 'omit' part of a story, or feel shameful or embarrassed sharing their thoughts with me, for fear that I will judge them. Each of them has a life of their own, they are on a journey that may or may not reflect bits of my own, and that's ok. It's better than ok. It's the way of the world, whether people want to admit it or not. Some people think they will be successful in controlling their kids to do what they say, when they say, etc. It might work for a while, but I wonder if they stop to think about the damage being done? Do they understand that they are likely missing out on knowing the true essence of that child? What a tragedy. To know oneself is the most important thing we can do for ourselves, yet so many of us have no idea who we really are. I wonder why that is......?!

To my beautiful children, the Lights of my life:

I promise to love you, to accept you, to celebrate life with you no matter what that looks like. I promise not to have that look of disapproval, or that tone in my voice that makes you feel bad or less, I promise to jump right in there with you to share whatever emotion you're sharing with me. I promise to be Grateful for this life that we get to spend *together*, and I can't wait to watch as your life continues to unfold for you.

You amaze me every day. I'm so Glad to be your Mama... <3

September 15, 2010

I just gotta be me.

Dang. Damn. Shit. Hell.


Ok, it's been a long, long, long time since I made it a priority to WRITE. Writing makes me ~~~feel~~~ better, so, why don't I do it, already!?! Well, do you have a minute? I'll begin to begin my story. Read along if ya like.

A couple of years ago, I was so terribly betrayed by somebody in my family. Read here, if you want the dirt. It's over and done now, but I believe it damaged me a great deal. I think back to the person I was *before betrayal* and who I am now, and I'm different. I don't want to be different, damaged, any more. It's time I reclaim my mojo and get on with it.

I am taking back that part of me that is Confident, Proud, Self-assured, Strong, Fearless, Trusting. I need to move forward as that person. My children need me to move forward as that person. They deserve nothing less than that person.

When I wrote regularly, my life just seemed - - - better. Was my life better because I wrote? Did I write because my life was better? One thing is for sure. I pay more attention when I write. I watch more, I notice more, I'm more present. Weird, I know. I never pretended to be normal.

So, here I am. The Whole of Me. For everyone to read and judge. But, that's their deal. I'm here, as me, doing what I will do, and making no apologies for who I *AM*.

And so... here goes.