After I got Zuri nursed down to sleep, I slid (very stealthly... else she'd wake up and search for the boob!) out of bed, got my face washed and teeth brushed, then made up a quick batch of nachos for the boys. I took them upstairs to where they were playing MW2 and hung out with them for a while, watching and learning about how that whole thing works. They're very patient with me, and all my questions. (I am a woman with many, I assure you. Maybe not always a good thing. Or maybe it is.)
Stone was playing on-line with someone who I could hear through his headset. He sounded like a cool kid, and Stone and he were having fun running around showing each other little glitches here and there. And I was enjoying watching. WHAT?!?!? Yep. I was actually watching with pure, un-distracted interest in what they were doing. I think it helped that I could hear the conversation, because then it helped me understand what their goals and objectives were. It was so cool. Even though I don't understand every. little. detail. about their game, I'm there, watching, participating in whatever way I know how. They like that. They want me there. They explain what they're doing, and what this term and that saying means. I'm there for them now so they know that I'll be there for them always. As parents, we can tell our kids that we'll always be there for them or we can simply show them. Actions always speak louder than words.
I attended a drum circle this evening. Another friend of mine attended, too. She said she only came because her daughter wanted to be there, and that she *herself* would never come to something like that because it would be something too close to what her mother would do. She and I went on to have a conversation about the role of being the first born child plays (or, how shitty it is to be the first born). We...er, um, maybe I'll switch to "I" now.... I am always serious. I always have to make sure everyone else is taken care of. I can't have too much fun, because who has time for fun, because I have to be the UBER responsible one, making sure everyone gets home safely or doesn't drown in their own vomit. Play? Nope, sorry, too busy being responsible.
I want to PLAY. I want to PLAY. I want to PLAY.
My children remind me to play. To stop with the responsibilities and just Play, right here, right now, before this Now is gone. I'll never regret putting down the 'serious stuff' to have some fun and make memories with my kids. They are, and will remain, my Greatest Teachers.