The Times

Today was kind of a rough day for me.  Zuri has been grumpy with a cold, and so is quite needy of me, my arms, my attention.  I do mostly pretty good at just *being* with her, but when my other sweets need, oh, say... Food! it gets more difficult.  And so, because I don't have 'down-time' during the day, here I sit at this crazy hour, reflecting, breathing, being still.  (really, though, i should be sleeping, because i woke up with a head-ache and vowed to myself and Zuri that we'd take a nap together today.  didn't happen)

Zuri and I went on a short bike ride today, which included a slight hill, so I'll count that as my little work-out.  My legs felt like rubber when I was done, so, really, it counts.  I was in a better frame of mind after some fresh air and walking around by the pond that we rode to.  Zuri was fascinated with all the goose poop, and kept leading me around, pointing it all out to me... "poop", she'd say.  Yep.  I even let her touch one (it was pretty dried out, so there).

The boys and I watched some Daniel Tosh stand-up stuff.  He's a funny one, that Daniel.  Of course, some cool conversations came out of that.  Also watched American Idol.  I'm pulling for Casey Abrams.  Zuri was ready for sleep at this point, so we came downstairs and laid together while John and I had a long, great (as usual) conversation over the phone.  He's in Torrington, WY, heading home tomorrow.  Damn weather better allow his safe travels.

I told John this, and I'll say it here, too:  I am in awe and so inspired by the man that he is.  I sometimes have to do a double-take and blink my eyes a time or two and remind myself that this is real.  This relationship that we have.  I love who he is as a human being.  And I really, really love that I get to be a part of his journey.  Damn lucky, us two.  Fo Sho.

After I said goodnight to Johnny Ray, I slid out from under Zuri to go fix the boys a snack and take it upstairs to where they were (corn dogs and clementines).  "Oh, awesome, this is so awesome, thanks mom!"  says Stone.

Sage came down requesting more clementines, so I sent him back up with a bowl full (peeled).  I'm working on my 'food issues' lately.  I will trust my children with their food choices, no guilt attached.  And that includes no crazy eyes.  It's easy to not *say* anything, but most times, our faces say it all, even if we don't utter a word.  Well, mine does, anyway.  Ask John.  So, I've decided that for them to trust me where food is concerned, I first need to trust them and *their* food choices.  If all I ever do is shove my agenda down their throats (nice pun, huh?) how will they ever really have space in their thinking that will allow them to simply watch and decide if the way John and I eat interests them, or holds any real value for them.  

Well, my teeth are brushed (was going to wash my face, but... nah), the kids have all been checked in with one more time and kissed and told that they are loved.  They're set.  And I'm off to bed.  Sweet dreams...xxoxxo