April 15, 2011


Something I need to keep reminding myself mostly about work is to be thankful even in the trying times there is always something that can lift your spirits. Thankfully I have such a great wife to tell my stories of so called horrors at work and together we are able to see a new light. Thats why people get married it is a joint effort at least for us. If it weren't for our great relationship I would have gone postal a long time ago. She is definitely my soul mate and together we will rise to any so called glitch in life.

It is good to see ourselves as others see us. Try as we may, we are never
able to know ourselves fully as we are, especially the evil side of us.
This we can do only if we are not angry with our critics but will take in good
heart whatever they might have to say. Gandhi

April 14, 2011

The Times

Today was kind of a rough day for me.  Zuri has been grumpy with a cold, and so is quite needy of me, my arms, my attention.  I do mostly pretty good at just *being* with her, but when my other sweets need, oh, say... Food! it gets more difficult.  And so, because I don't have 'down-time' during the day, here I sit at this crazy hour, reflecting, breathing, being still.  (really, though, i should be sleeping, because i woke up with a head-ache and vowed to myself and Zuri that we'd take a nap together today.  didn't happen)

Zuri and I went on a short bike ride today, which included a slight hill, so I'll count that as my little work-out.  My legs felt like rubber when I was done, so, really, it counts.  I was in a better frame of mind after some fresh air and walking around by the pond that we rode to.  Zuri was fascinated with all the goose poop, and kept leading me around, pointing it all out to me... "poop", she'd say.  Yep.  I even let her touch one (it was pretty dried out, so there).

The boys and I watched some Daniel Tosh stand-up stuff.  He's a funny one, that Daniel.  Of course, some cool conversations came out of that.  Also watched American Idol.  I'm pulling for Casey Abrams.  Zuri was ready for sleep at this point, so we came downstairs and laid together while John and I had a long, great (as usual) conversation over the phone.  He's in Torrington, WY, heading home tomorrow.  Damn weather better allow his safe travels.

I told John this, and I'll say it here, too:  I am in awe and so inspired by the man that he is.  I sometimes have to do a double-take and blink my eyes a time or two and remind myself that this is real.  This relationship that we have.  I love who he is as a human being.  And I really, really love that I get to be a part of his journey.  Damn lucky, us two.  Fo Sho.

After I said goodnight to Johnny Ray, I slid out from under Zuri to go fix the boys a snack and take it upstairs to where they were (corn dogs and clementines).  "Oh, awesome, this is so awesome, thanks mom!"  says Stone.

Sage came down requesting more clementines, so I sent him back up with a bowl full (peeled).  I'm working on my 'food issues' lately.  I will trust my children with their food choices, no guilt attached.  And that includes no crazy eyes.  It's easy to not *say* anything, but most times, our faces say it all, even if we don't utter a word.  Well, mine does, anyway.  Ask John.  So, I've decided that for them to trust me where food is concerned, I first need to trust them and *their* food choices.  If all I ever do is shove my agenda down their throats (nice pun, huh?) how will they ever really have space in their thinking that will allow them to simply watch and decide if the way John and I eat interests them, or holds any real value for them.  

Well, my teeth are brushed (was going to wash my face, but... nah), the kids have all been checked in with one more time and kissed and told that they are loved.  They're set.  And I'm off to bed.  Sweet dreams...xxoxxo

April 12, 2011

Our Day

Zuri is under the weather (i wonder where that saying ever came from?) today, so we hung close to home.  We did spend a short bit at the park nearby.  Figured some sunshine and fresh air never hurt anyone.  She enjoyed herself, too.  First time riding the merry-go-round.  I was on it with he at first, but then had to get off and have her big brothers hold her on the horse so I wouldn't lose my cookies in front of all the other park-goers.

We spent some time on the trampoline, watched a movie (sage and I), played Xbox w/ friends (Saylor & Stone), watched Netflix thru Xbox live w/ friends (Saylor, Stone), hung clothes on the line (me), watched some Youtube vids (S,S,S), went for a walk with Grandma (Stone, Sage, Zuri, me), practiced some parkour (Stone, Sage), rode a bike (Stone, Sage), took a couple naps (Zuri), ate some frozen blueberries and strawberries, twice (Zuri), made a smoothie, twice (Saylor, me), started a hilarious book (me), played with the dollies (Zuri, me)... --- ... --- and a whole bunch of other stuff that I'm not thinking of now.  It's late, afterall.

I caught myself thinking today:  "Wow.  This is my life?  Really?  It's ***MY*** life!!!!!"  I'm Grateful beyond words for our beautiful life.  The simple things bring me so much joy.  Just being here to take care of our children in a mindful way heals my heart and makes me whole.  Everyday.

April 6, 2011

Make Time for Play

After I got Zuri nursed down to sleep, I slid (very stealthly... else she'd wake up and search for the boob!) out of bed, got my face washed and teeth brushed, then made up a quick batch of nachos for the boys.  I took them upstairs to where they were playing MW2 and hung out with them for a while, watching and learning about how that whole thing works.  They're very patient with me, and all my questions.  (I am a woman with many, I assure you.  Maybe not always a good thing.  Or maybe it is.)

Stone was playing on-line with someone who I could hear through his headset.  He sounded like a cool kid, and Stone and he were having fun running around showing each other little glitches here and there.  And I was enjoying watching.  WHAT?!?!?  Yep.  I was actually watching with pure, un-distracted interest in what they were doing.  I think it helped that I could hear the conversation, because then it helped me understand what their goals and objectives were.  It was so cool.  Even though I don't understand every. little. detail. about their game, I'm there, watching, participating in whatever way I know how.  They like that.  They want me there.  They explain what they're doing, and what this term and that saying means.  I'm there for them now so they know that I'll be there for them always.  As parents, we can tell our kids that we'll always be there for them or we can simply show them.  Actions always speak louder than words.  

I attended a drum circle this evening.  Another friend of mine attended, too.  She said she only came because her daughter wanted to be there, and that she *herself* would never come to something like that because it would be something too close to what her mother would do.  She and I went on to have a conversation about the role of being the first born child plays (or, how shitty it is to be the first born).  We...er, um, maybe I'll switch to "I" now.... I am always serious.  I always have to make sure everyone else is taken care of.  I can't have too much fun, because who has time for fun, because I have to be the UBER responsible one, making sure everyone gets home safely or doesn't drown in their own vomit.  Play?  Nope, sorry, too busy being responsible.


I want to PLAY.  I want to PLAY.  I want to PLAY.

My children remind me to play.  To stop with the responsibilities and just Play, right here, right now, before this Now is gone.   I'll never regret putting down the 'serious stuff' to have some fun and make memories with my kids.  They are, and will remain, my Greatest Teachers.